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| Charcoal sketch inspired by Liu Xiaodong |
There is a kind of honesty that only shows up when the noise dies. Not when you’re busy. Not when you’re productive. Not when life is moving. But when everything slows down. And it’s just you.
For me, it was late—the kind of late when even your excuses are
tired. The house is quiet. The world has gone to sleep, and you are left alone
with your patterns.
I was sitting there. Phone in hand. Scrolling. Nothing
engaging. I wasn’t learning, and I wasn’t even enjoying it. Just scrolling.
Unable to shift from this action. Five minutes became fifteen. Fifteen became
forty-five. And then that dangerous sentence showed up: “Just one more
video.” You know that one. It has destroyed more dreams than failure ever
has. By the time I looked up, an hour had passed. Gone. Evaporated.
And then something in me paused. Like a frozen moment in
time. Not dramatically. Not like a lightning bolt. But deeply. I asked myself a
question that felt uncomfortable:
“Did I choose this or did this just happen to me?” And
in that moment, I wasn’t making a decision. I was running a program.
Mark’s Version Was Even Worse.
Now, let me bring Mark into this. Mark is the kind of guy
many people admire. Sharp. Disciplined. Driven. One evening, Mark tells me, “Bro,
I don’t understand it. I plan my day perfectly, but I don’t execute.”
I then asked him, “Walk me through your evening yesterday.”
He started strong. “I got home. Ate. Sat down to relax for 10 minutes.” I
smiled. “Continue.” “Next thing I know, it’s 11 pm.” We both laughed, but it
wasn’t funny because Mark didn’t choose to waste his evening.
He defaulted to it. That’s when I told him something he
didn’t like: “You’re not struggling with discipline. You’re running a system.”
Silence.
The Lie We Keep Repeating
Most people believe they are in control. We say things like:
“I just need to be more disciplined.”
“I need to do better.”
“I know what to do.”
But if that were true, why do we keep repeating the same
patterns?
Why do we:
- delay
what matters,
- react
in ways we regret,
- promise
ourselves change and break it?
It’s not because we are weak. It’s because we are trained.
What we call habits are not small behaviors. They are systems. Once a system is
in place, it does not ask for permission. It just runs.
How You Became Predictable (Without Knowing It)
There was a time when your behavior was a choice. There was
a time when Mark chose to scroll. There was a time when you chose to avoid.
There was a time when reacting was a decision. But repetition is powerful.
Your brain is always watching. Always learning. Always
asking: “What have we done here before?” And when it finds an answer, it locks
it in.
Trigger → Behavior → Reward.
Repeat that enough times, and your brain says, “Relax.
I’ve got this.” Now? You don’t choose the behavior. The behavior chooses
you.
The Part That Makes People Uncomfortable
Now, here is where people usually resist because it requires
honesty. Most of the habits you are trying to break are helping you, and yes,
helping you. Mark didn’t like hearing this because, in his mind, scrolling was
the problem.
But when we dug deeper, we realized he was overwhelmed. Work
was heavy. Expectations were high. His mind was tired. And scrolling? That was
relief. Temporary. Shallow. But relief. Hence, when he tried to “cut it off,”
his mind fought back because, from its perspective, “You’re removing my
solution.”
Why You Keep Returning
This is why people change and then go back. It’s not
forgetfulness. It’s not laziness. It’s an incomplete understanding. You cannot
remove a habit that solves a problem without replacing the old solution with a
new one. Yet most people try to do exactly that. They stop the behavior but
keep the emotional need. And the system says: “No.” And pulls them back.
The Hard Truth Mark Had to Face
There was a moment when Mark sat quietly and said, “So
you’re telling me I’ve never actually studied myself?” My response was,
“Exactly.” He had been trying to fix behavior without understanding patterns.
He had never asked:
- What
triggers me?
- What
emotion am I avoiding?
- What
reward am I getting?
He had been fighting mindlessly. And you cannot win a fight
you don’t understand.
The Question That Changes Everything
I asked a question. One. Not ten. Not a framework. Not a
course. Just one, “What is happening right before you do the thing?” That
question will change your life if you sit with it, because it forces you to be
aware.
Mark began to notice:
“I scroll when I’m mentally drained.”
“I delay when I feel overwhelmed.”
“I avoid when I feel unsure.”
And suddenly, he wasn’t broken. He was following patterns.
From Fighting to Designing
Once you see the pattern, you can redesign it, not with
intensity, but with intelligence. Instead of scrolling for an hour, Mark
started with 5 minutes of silence. He told me, “Bro, that 5 minutes felt longer
than the whole hour.” We laughed because that’s the point. You’ve been avoiding
yourself.
The Power of Small Wins (That Feel Almost Useless)
Here’s where most people go wrong. They try to replace
habits with big actions. Gym for an hour. Wake up at 5 am. Read 30 pages. Your
system laughs. Then it rejects them.
Why not make it smaller? Almost stupidly small. One breath. Five
minutes. One page.
And Mark said something powerful, “It feels like nothing,
but I’m actually doing it.” Exactly. Consistency beats intensity every time.
The Identity Shift (This Is Where It Gets Real)
After a few weeks, something changed. Not his schedule. Not
his results. Him. Mark said, “I think I’m becoming someone who follows
through.” That’s it. That’s the game. Not doing more, but becoming someone new
through repeated evidence.
The Truth You Need to Hear
You are not lazy. You are not weak. You are not broken. You
are trained. And what has been trained can be retrained.
The Invitation
Stop asking, “Why can’t I change?” Start asking, “What
pattern am I repeating?” The moment you see it clearly, you stop being
controlled by it and start redesigning your life.
Work With Me
This is the work I, Edwin Moindi, a habit coach, do. Not
hype. Not pressure. Not “try harder.” Structured transformation.
We go into your patterns, triggers, identity, and habits.
And we rebuild them. One small, consistent shift at a time. Because in the end,
your life is not shaped by what you intend. It is shaped by what you repeat.
If this message stirred something in you, don’t let it fade.
1. Join my LinkedIn
Habit Coaching Newsletter: https://www.linkedin.com/newsletters/habits-with-coach-edwin-7399067976420966400/
2. Join my Habit
WhatsApp Community at https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VbAmKkOBvvsWOuBx5g3L
3. Ready to level up your
life? Join my 12-Month Personal Transformation Program and
let’s intentionally build the next version of you — with clarity, discipline,
and momentum. Call or WhatsApp me directly at +254 724 328059, and
let’s begin.
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