I am sitting somewhere quiet, listening to one of my favorite music genres as it gently drifts through the air. There’s a cold drink beside me. My fingers are moving across the keyboard leisurely. In a few minutes, I’ll pick up a book and read.
There was a time when this would have felt impossible.
Stillness used to make me uncomfortable. If I wasn’t moving, surrounded by
people, and doing something visible, I felt like I was falling behind. I
confused motion with meaning. Presence with productivity. Noise with life.
Looking back, I can clearly identify it now: FOMO.
Fear of missing out didn’t just influence my schedule; it influenced my
identity. And I now realize how many of us are quietly living lives driven by
fear rather than by the values we consciously choose.
That is the core message of this piece:
If you don’t lead your inner life deliberately, FOMO will
happily do it for you.
And it will cost you your energy, your joy, your health,
and—eventually—your sense of self.
Key Point 1: How FOMO Scripts a Life You Didn’t Choose
Let me tell you about Erick (not his real name). Erick would
rather be taking a stroll, watching birds call to one another, or listening to
a stream play its quiet symphony of life. That is where his nervous system
truly exhales. Instead, most Saturdays find him watching football and drinking
late into the night with friends.
Here’s the twist: Erick doesn’t even like football.
But somewhere along the way, a script was handed to him: A
man must have a team. A man must show up. A man must belong. So he does.
Weekend after weekend.
It’s also how he met Laura—during a late-night celebration
after a win. Two groups merged, eyes met, sparks flew. And suddenly, they were
a couple.
Laura loves painting. Or rather, she would—if she had
ever bought the brushes, the canvas, the space to explore it. Instead, she
finds herself attending football matches she doesn’t enjoy, cheering for teams
she doesn’t care about, living a life adjacent to her own desires.
Both Erick and Laura have demanding careers, Monday through
Friday—intense, mentally taxing work. Yet the last time either of them felt
truly alive was years ago.
Erick still remembers a trip to a waterfall—how light he
felt. Sometimes he watches solo campers on YouTube with a mix of envy and
resignation. “Kenya is too dangerous,” he tells himself. “I can’t be
alone.” And so, the longing gets buried.
This is how FOMO works. It doesn’t shout. It normalizes.
It convinces you that everyone else’s script is safer than listening to your
own quiet voice.
Key Point 2: Burnout Is Not a Work Problem—It’s a
Recharge Problem
When I met Erick and Laura at one of my events, I sensed it
immediately: fear sat just beneath the surface. For Erick, it was the fear of
rediscovering himself—and what that might disrupt. So, I asked him a simple
question: “What do you really want out of life?”
He sighed. Looked down. His eyes watered. “Man… there’s so
much I should be doing. I don’t know if I can shrug it off and do what I
love. But I’m tired. All the time.”
I asked how he knew. “Because I give so much to others and
never to myself. But that’s what a man does, right? We carry the burden of
performance.”
True. And incomplete. So I asked: “When do you recharge?”
He laughed softly. “I don’t have the time.”
And there it was. Nothing in nature operates without rhythms
of renewal. Day follows night. Seasons rotate. Even the land rests.
Yet many of us were raised in a generation that was never
taught how to recharge. We never saw our fathers do it. What we inherited
was dysfunction dressed up as responsibility.
We are using old models of effort in a new era that
demands emotional regulation, focus, and energy management.
Without rest, we don’t become strong—we become dependent.
Doom scrolling. Feel-good drinking. Emotional eating. Constant stimulation.
These habits don’t make us happy. They make us feel temporarily
normal.
Key Point 3: Self-Leadership Is the Antidote to FOMO
The deeper issue Erick and Laura were facing wasn’t social.
It was internal. FOMO thrives when you don’t know how to be alone with
yourself.
In a hyper-connected world, disconnecting—even briefly—feels
risky, as if you’ll miss a memo on life. So we build lives around people,
activities, and commitments we neither love nor desire.
Some go further. They replace real connection with digital
proximity. Watching other people’s lives online. Commenting and reacting and
feeling present—while becoming increasingly isolated.
What we consume begins to shape our reality. And when
attention is constantly elsewhere, our actual life quietly deteriorates.
Here’s the truth I share with every client: You cannot
lead others until you learn how to lead yourself.
Self-leadership means mastering your thoughts, regulating
your emotions, and understanding how your upbringing shaped your defaults.
Erick and Laura were raised differently. Each carried
invisible scripts that shaped how they showed up in relationships, at work, and
in rest. Through many conversations—and small, deliberate changes—clarity
emerged. Laura discovered she loved deep conversations, travelling to remote
places, building social projects, and sitting under trees talking to children.
Erick realised he loved challenging his body—strength
training, long walks, hiking, camping with intentional people. As they aligned
their habits with their values, everything else followed. Their careers stopped
draining them and started expressing them. Erick rose because he finally spoke
up for himself. Laura transitioned into community work and became a force for
women in underserved communities.
They didn’t stay together. They both married other people.
They both got fit. They both learned—early enough—that health is not optional
if you want to function fully later in life.
And yes… this could be you.
Conclusion: Choosing Presence Over Performance
FOMO is not a personal failure. It’s a cultural inheritance.
But healing is a personal responsibility. The question is not whether you are
busy. The question is whether your busyness reflects your values—or your fears.
Stillness is not laziness. Solitude is not loneliness. Rest
is not weakness.
They are acts of leadership.
Call to Action
If this resonated, don’t scroll past your own life. Start
with one honest question today:
“What genuinely gives me energy—and why am I avoiding
it?”
If you want structured support to rebuild habits aligned
with who you truly are, that is the work I do.
Lead yourself first. Everything else follows.
If this message
stirred something in you, don’t let it fade.
1. Join
my LinkedIn Habit Coaching Newsletter: https://www.linkedin.com/newsletters/habits-with-coach-edwin-7399067976420966400/
2. Join
my Habit WhatsApp Community at https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VbAmKkOBvvsWOuBx5g3L
3. Alternatively,
sign up for my 6-month Personal Transformation Coaching Program by
sending me a message on WhatsApp at +254-724328059.
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