In the Quest for Purpose

It's early morning, and the rain is torrential, twelve hours of a downpour that is cleansing the soul. I am introspective in the gloom of the weather. I have been contemplating purpose. Why is it a difficult conversation for most, a fog that few ever venture into?  

We all desire to be happy, and some say the pursuit of happiness is our true purpose.

Is it possible to be happy all the time? Some say it is impossible, due to the many challenges and the issues of life, the constant turmoil with momentary instances of happiness.

Let us take a moment and imagine the journey of purpose. 

There was once a great mansion built many centuries ago. For a long while, it was the only structure for miles around, a great edifice of architectural marvel. It had many artifacts in its rooms. Some took days to appreciate, and some were hard to comprehend.

In the mansion’s library, there was a secret door hidden on the wall.  Behind it lay a secret passage leading into another world. In that world, things are eternal. There is no gravity of thought or emotion. In that world, your imagination is limitless.

Over time, the mansion aged, and the terrain changed; a city formed around it. The mansion stood in the middle of the city, neglected. Rats and roaches moved in. Dust collected, and the air within choked with decay. It became a horror destination in the making, the outcome of neglect.           

Then you travelled from a distant land to this mansion to discover its secrets.  Ancient texts in hand had explained the power hidden in plain sight. Another world that would give you immense power. And you decided to come to the mansion. 

“As you discover the secrets of the mansion, you will also understand yourself, becoming aware of who you are,” your teacher, a wise man, had said.  

Each room was to be entered according to the instructions of the ancient texts.

In the first room, you instantly get happy, but your body starts to become haggard, heavy, and your mind becomes foggy. People are sitting on mattresses, on seats, on the ground, injecting or drinking substances. They are unaware of why they are there. Some get to this room and never leave. They never get to quest any further, imprisoned.

You have insight and thus leave for the next room. The corridors are a maze. In the next room, there is a big screen and many seats. You see your story on the screen, and people materialize to celebrate you.  You are the hero, but you can sense the acclaim is shallow and precarious. You don’t stay long here.

Given your desire, something attracts you to a long, thin corridor. There are many distractions along the way, voices calling you to divert to the right or the left, and get into rooms or join groups of people having fun. But you keep walking steadily onwards.

There are steps leading up to a big door, with ‘faced inscriptions’ that read library in a strange language. 

 

The air is heavier here. You try the door handle and it can't budge. You keep at it for a long time with little success. Then sit down, breathe calmly for a few minutes, try again, and it turns. The calmer you are, the lighter the door handle becomes.

The library has many books, some simple, some complicated. The front level is filled with shiny books that most people read, and also your newspapers and magazines. You sense that you could spend a lot of time here without anything changing.

A voice is urging you to go deeper into the recesses of the library.

It's darker there, with a door rarely opened under lock and key.

There is a chair beside the door, with the inscription above it stating, “If you need to go into the room, sit on this chair to remember me.” 

The chair is cold, basic, and uncomfortable; it brings a déjà vu effect. You shiver and sit down, and you suddenly go into a trance. All the emotions you have ever felt flood your mind. You are in a river flowing down from a waterfall, sinking, then struggling to swim, then you are swimming, then standing beside the frigid river and observing the river.

Instead of water, the river has emotions and thoughts flowing in it.

“Here is the key, get it!” a voice screams, and you reach out. Immediately, you emerge from the trance with a key in your hands. You are overjoyed but confused, angry, dejected, anxious, and don’t understand why. Your mind is a jumble of negative thoughts and emotions.

You unlock the door and step in.

The room is filled shoulder-high with books on the floor. The moment you walk into the room, the door behind shuts tightly.

You turn your attention to the books. They are dusty, and their covers have titles of different emotions. Some of the books are huge and heavy. Some tiny, the size of a palm.

The huge ones have a menacing feel and are pungent. The room has shelves and 11 sections: Connection, Physical Well-being, Honesty, Play, Peace, Autonomy, Meaning, Boundaries, Shame, Vulnerability, and Worthiness.

“Dust, absorb, and place the books in the right shelf,” a voice says.

 You struggle to lift a heavy book, instead you sit beside one titled ANGER, and dust it as you turn the pages and process the memories and thoughts that rise from its pages. The deeper you process, let go, and forgive, the smaller the book becomes. You then lift the lighter and smaller ANGER book and place it in the right shelf and category.

You discover a pattern to tidying up the room and processing the many emotions. It takes you weeks to do this, but time is irrelevant, and you don’t feel hungry or tired.

By the time you are done, you feel lighter, and the room structure also changes. Your thoughts and emotions seem not to be your own. You are listening to them, outside your body and mind. But you are still aware and in control.

The moment you are done, your feet lose a grip on the ground, and you float upwards towards a door that has appeared. Few have ever reached this door. It opens as soon as you reach it.

As you walk in, you hear a voice. But it’s a voice that only asks questions.

Through questions, you will discover the truth.

Wisdom is everywhere to be seen. It was present at the foundations of the world.

You can only respond with better questions, not answers.

In this room, the vast knowledge of the universe is available to you, but you cannot answer when a question is asked.

You think it and then ask a better question.

For example.

“What is a cat?”  

You respond with.

“Why do humans fear some cats and love others?”

Through this continuous questioning, you will arrive at the foundational why of your existence, based on the quality of the questions you ask and the deeper research you do.

The question you must never ask is, “Why am I here?” because every time you do, a painful mark appears on your diaphragm.

Soon, you discover other ways of getting to the truth. Realizing your why is already imprinted in you even before you became aware, and your quest is to seek it out.

Your why must resonate with your awareness of self.

After weeks, you feel confident, and for the first time, you realize that the room has grown, and the distant end of the room, a doorway filled with light, appears.  

You start walking towards it, and a strong force field of windy negative energy appears, making your steps heavier. There is also a vortex to the left, that will suck away anything that becomes heavy. In the force field, you hear negative thoughts and emotions that grow louder as you advance towards the doorway. A heaviness you left in that room, with the books of emotions, comes back.  

“You are not good enough.”

“You do not qualify to do this.”

 “You are a joke.”

“I am depressed.”

“I am sad.”

“I am worried and anxious.”

Emotions and thoughts hit you painfully, as they thrash around in the gale-force field. Every step you take towards that doorway becomes harder.

Around you can see a few skeletons and some petrified bodies. People who were unable to walk any further and gave up and just sat down quietly, others were sucked to the side by the vortex as they grew heavier with emotion and thoughts.

“Look up and at me,” a voice says. You look up and there is a sweet, calm voice emanating from the doorway. You reach it and, with all your energy, you go through it.

And suddenly, silence.

You can’t hear your thoughts or sense any feelings. All you experience is joy, peace, and lightness. You are flying upwards.

In this place, time is irrelevant. You can see your body, mind, thoughts, feelings, and actions. They are all under your command.   

“Is this my purpose?” You ask.

“No! It’s not. This is you being aware of your existence and having the courage to move ahead despite the difficulties and suffering that life presents. This is a state you can be in at any time, if you choose to. That connects you to me.”

“Who are you?”

“I am your companion and guide to the realm of possibility, and you are communing with me in a place where time doesn’t exist. This is the realm of the spirit, and you are spirit.”

“Why are my thoughts distant? Why are my feelings distant?”

“Because they are subject to you, they are not you. They don’t define you. But when you go back into the mansion, you will have to contend with them, regulate, and manage them. When you think positive thoughts and emotions, you connect with me. Because that is true, that is noble, that is right, that is pure, that is lovely, that is admirable, that is praiseworthy.’

“And if I don’t?”

“Then you fall to the heaviness of the world, which pushes you down, makes you heavier, and takes you away from your purpose. You fall into the negative thoughts and feelings that cause you to accept the pain and suffering of the world. The curse that was placed on your world,”

“I have a choice?”

“Yes, you have independent will, self-awareness, a conscience, and a creative imagination. These allow you to choose, respond, change, and shape your life. By being aware of who you are, you realize you are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings, you are not your body. You are more. Fight to be more, and you will live in your purpose.”

“In this realm, there is no concept of time, because time is a human construct, to make sense of your reality, which is tied to your thoughts. Every period in your existence and time is tied to thoughts. Your past is a memory, your future is your imagination. In this realm, past, future, and present merge into the now. Now is all that is important.”

“What must I do?”

“Draw to me daily, seek me constantly, shape your body and mind to be disciplined to do as your spirit wills. Make time to be spiritually connected because when you discern, you will live based on the purpose you were meant to attain on Earth.

Suddenly, I woke up. I now knew I had to work on my emotions and become self-aware. I had to work on my talents and build them into strengths. I had to define my why, be clear on my mission statement, act with intention based on my values, and find meaning in the suffering and pain of daily living. I was ready.

PS: No mansions were built during this story, only castles in the sky.

 

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Thank you for taking the time to read this blog! I'm Edwin Moindi, a Life and Habit Coach dedicated to helping people understand their habits, navigate their emotions, and cultivate emotional intelligence for a happier, more balanced life. I'd love to hear your thoughts—feel free to reach out and share your insights or questions!