Fix Your Thoughts, Not Just Your Problems

 

“Edwin, I have big problems,” she said quietly, eyes sunken, spirit weary.

I nodded, listening. She wasn’t just tired — she was defeated.

“I want to change my life for the better,” she continued, “but everything feels against me.” Her words hung heavy in the air. I’ve met many like her — people who carry the invisible weight of pessimism, who see the shadow in every patch of light. And to be honest, I understood her far too well.

Why Your Thoughts Shape Every Experience

During my teenage years and early twenties, I often carried that same cloud. I’d smile with friends, laugh in class, then walk home feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere. When I was alone, sadness would quietly creep in, whispering that I wasn’t enough.

At work, I tried to prove my worth by overworking — early mornings, late nights, chasing excellence as if it owed me peace. I remember one of my first jobs — a start-up full of brilliant minds from the country's best technology university. I was, on the other hand, from Strathmore, and I often felt like the outsider trying too hard to belong.

We worked incredibly long hours — bonding over deadlines, dreams, and unhealthy snacks. But behind the jokes and hustle, there was exhaustion. One day, one of us — the brightest, sharpest among us — took his own life. That deeply shook me. I realized how many of us were silently drowning, using busyness to hide our pain.

It made me ask: Are we trying to fix the wrong thing?

Most of us attempt to change our lives by shifting circumstances — new jobs, new relationships, new goals — without ever fixing the thinking that caused those problems in the first place.

 The Hidden Chain: Beliefs → Values → Attitudes → Behavior

Here’s what I’ve learned from habit coaching — your beliefs influence everything.
Beliefs are ideas you’ve accepted as true — often without questioning them. They come from your upbringing, culture, faith, and experiences.

Those beliefs create your values — what’s important to you.
Your values shape your attitude — how you approach people and problems.
And your attitude determines your behavior, which ultimately defines your outcomes.

Two people can come from the same village, even the same home, yet end up worlds apart — one a national leader, the other a neighborhood cobbler. The difference often begins in how they think.

Hence, before you try to “fix your life,” pause. Ask yourself:

• What have I accepted as true without proof?
• Where did those beliefs come from — fear or faith?
• What would change if I thought differently?

The root of transformation isn’t in your job, your marriage, or your finances — it’s in your mind.

The 4 Human Endowments That Set You Free

Stephen Covey discussed four human endowments — divine gifts that enable us to choose, develop, and create.

1. Self-Awareness — the ability to observe your own thoughts, moods, and actions. It’s that pause before reacting, that quiet voice asking, “Is this really me?”
2. Conscience — your moral compass, that inner voice reminding you of what’s right, even when no one’s watching.
3. Independent Will — the ability to act based on choice rather than emotion. It’s how you keep promises to yourself and follow through when no one is cheering you on.
4. Creative Imagination — the mind’s gift to envision what doesn’t yet exist. It’s about seeing beyond limitations, designing a new reality in your mind before it becomes real.

Covey famously wrote, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

That space is where transformation begins — where habit coaching thrives.

How to Practice Self-Awareness Daily

The process begins small. Recognize your automatic thoughts. When you think, “I’ll never get this right,” pause — is that a fact or just a fear? Observe the patterns in your language, tone, and self-talk. Replace self-criticism with curiosity: “What can I learn from this?” This simple change can transform how you appear — at work, in relationships, and in leadership.

Moving from Reactivity to Responsibility

When you master your four endowments, you stop being a victim of circumstances. You no longer say, “That’s just who I am.” Instead, you begin to say, “That’s who I’m becoming.” You stop fighting the world and start leading yourself. And when you change your thoughts, your problems don’t disappear — they stop defining you.

The Habit Coach’s Call: Start Where Your Thoughts Begin

If there’s one thing I want you to understand, it’s this: Don’t rush to fix your problems. Fix your thinking. Your mind acts as the lens through which everything else appears. Clean that lens, and suddenly, the world looks brighter.

So today, start small. Observe your thoughts. Question what you’ve accepted as truth. Practice self-awareness, honor your conscience, exercise your independent will, and dare to imagine. Because transformation doesn’t begin when life changes, it begins when you do.