Why Your Habit Isn’t Working (And How to Fix It using Fasting)

 I recently completed a six-day water fast—yes, 120 hours without food or anything but water—and as I sit here about to break it, I’m struck by how much dopamine actually influences our days. Not in the “I’m on a sugar high” kind of way, but in the quiet moments: the pull toward what feels easy, the push away from discomfort, the internal conversation we barely notice.

During that fast, I realized something: we are wired to act emotionally and avoid what feels uncomfortable or uneasy. For someone like me—an introvert who has spent years forcing myself to make a certain number of phone calls daily—it became painfully clear how the “reward” part of my habit loop was often missing.

Let me set the scene. Every day, I call ten people. Some days I get excited responses; other days I hear nothing. It’s the latter that always throws me off: the lack of instant feedback, the increasing feeling of rejection or disappointment that sneaks in over time. It wasn’t making the calls that was the hardest—it was keeping it up month after month, when the dopamine rush never appeared.

So, what did the fast teach me? What I want you to understand is this key lesson: Habits formed through outcome-focused rewards are likely to fail. The true habit-former is rooted in identity, purpose, and process rather than the temporary rush of dopamine.

Here are three key insights from that experience (and from years of habit coaching) to help you shift from chasing rewards to building muscle. And yes—I’ll include some personal stories, the good, the bad, and the funny, because if I didn’t laugh while making phone calls to people as an introvert, you might wonder if I’m okay. Spoiler: I am. I am happy, content, and grateful.
Let’s get started.

Key Point 1 – Dopamine Drives Us, But Rarely Rewards Us the Way We Think
The Hidden Habit Loop
Dopamine is often called the brain’s “reward” chemical. We trigger a habit, get a dose of dopamine, feel good, and repeat. Simple in theory. However, during that six-day fast, I discovered that what feels like a reward (calls made, tasks completed, people reached) rarely triggers the internal fireworks we expect. Instead, the brain asked: “What’s next? Did it pay off? Was it worth it?” And when the answer was “not yet,” the habitual circuit fell apart.
My Introvert-Call Habit Example
As an introvert, making ten calls a day feels like running a social marathon. On good days, I connect: “How’s the family?” “Been thinking of you.” And yes, people smile; they say thanks. But like most humans, many won’t return the call. They could, but they don’t. Over time, this lack of reciprocation builds an undercurrent of frustration: “Why am I doing this? Who cares?”  That’s the real deal: your brain says, “You called. You expect something. Nothing happened. Hard next time.” Dopamine dips. Habit weakens.
During the fast, my mind quieted—partly because food was missing, but mainly because the usual dopamine “reward” was paused. And when you stop chasing the buzz, you begin to hear the truth: habits aren’t about immediate payoff—they’re about showing up when nothing seems to happen. So, if you coach habits or create them yourself, remember: don’t expect high-fives after every action. Expect to show up. Expect boredom. Expect invisibility. And let that become the new normal.

Key Point 2 – Focus on Action, Not Outcome: The Patient Journey of Habit
Why “What’s Required” Is Harder Than “What’s Enjoyed”
Over the past twenty years of consulting and coaching, I’ve repeatedly observed this pattern: people tend to do what they enjoy and stop doing what they don’t. But the key difference—the power of consistency—is showing up even when you don’t “feel like it,’ when the reward is delayed, and when the results might never be visible.
When I built a men’s group, reaching about 100 members on WhatsApp and meeting twice a month, I eventually asked myself, “Is this worth it?” I invested weeks and months. Some men attended once, others regularly. Many didn’t reciprocate. My introverted self wondered: “Why am I doing all this if the reward isn’t real?”
While fasting, I sat in prayer, kneeling and wrestling with that question. It seemed like I had done everything right: I had built a community, said yes when asked, and showed up consistently. But inside, I felt worn out, unseen, and undervalued.
Here’s the key: The habit isn’t the outcome (100 men, active engagement, reciprocation). The habit is the consistent action: calling ten people, hosting the group, and sending the message. Done. Without a guarantee of appreciation or a visible result. And that’s what the fast clarified: you do the habit for the habit’s sake. Not for the dopamine. Not for the feedback. But because you trust the process.
As habit coaches, we reinforce this: teach people to fall in love with the process, not the applause. Because applause is fickle, consistency is cumulative. Outcome is uncertain; action is dependent on you.

Key Point 3 – Purpose Anchors Habit When Reward Is Invisible
The Verse That Broke the Pattern – Isaiah 50:4
In the midst of the fast, on my knees, weary from both the physical and emotional weight, I stumbled on this verse:

“The Sovereign LORD has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.”

It’s not new, but at that moment it hit hard. I realized that purpose is what keeps you showing up, even when there’s no reward. I looked at my calls, my men’s group, my coaching, and thought: “Do they care back? Do they call me? Do they show up?” And the answer: No, often not.

But the purpose didn’t change: I am here, standing with you through the darkest times. I am here because someone had to hold the line when hope flickered. I’m here because self-trust, integrity, values—these aren’t optional.

From Self-Trust to Value-Driven Daily Rhythm
I decided I would be true to myself before trying to be true to anyone else. I examined the lies I told myself: “I’ll wait till they respond,” “I’ll stop if they don’t reciprocate,” “I’ll bail if I feel unseen.” Those narratives were the quicksand of my habit journey.
I realized happiness isn’t freedom from suffering and trials—but a mindset that they serve as teachers rather than enslavers. And with that mindset shift, habits become your allies, not punishing forces. The energy you fight against (ego, self-sabotaging thoughts, suppressed emotions) is real and powerful—but so is the capacity you build when you anchor in purpose.
In effect, the fast and the verse created a new foundation: I fast, not for the thrill, but to align the purpose. I call, not for a response— but because presence truly matters. I coach, not for applause— but because transformation is essential.

Conclusion: Your Call to Action – Choose the Habit That Outlasts Dopamine. So here we are: the fast is over, I break it in a moment, and I go back into action—but not the same. I go back wiser, steadier, and with a quieter inner expectation. The habit is no longer about “Will they respond?” but “Did I show up?”
Now I invite you.

• Choose one habit you’ve stalled because the reward seems absent.
• Ask yourself: “Am I in this for the dopamine (rush) or the process?”
• Anchor it to a purpose bigger than the result.
• Show up for the action—every day, regardless of feedback.

 

If you’re part of my habit-coaching community, I invite you to share one habit you’re committing to this week or this month, focusing on measuring consistency rather than results. Drop it in the comments.

If you’d like deeper support or want to join my next habit-coaching session (+254724328059), where we’ll map your actions, purpose anchor, and the “invisible reward” mindset for sustainable habits.

Let’s build that muscle together—habit by habit, drawn not by buzz but by purpose. Thank you for reading this piece. Thank you for staying with me. Stay safe and blessed.