Love Grows Where Awareness Lives

The other day — tongue in cheek — I told someone, “When you create a larger emotional space for others, you’re actually growing in love.”

I said it half-jokingly, but the words stuck with me like a seed waiting to grow. Could it really be that learning to hold space for others is the core of love itself — the kind the Bible talks about, the kind that shows God’s love for us?

That’s the journey I want to take you on today. I’ll let you decide whether this idea resonates — but I promise, by the end, you’ll see how self-awareness, emotional literacy, and divine love all come from the same source.

1.       Learning the Language of Emotions: The Forgotten Vocabulary of the Soul

When I start working with a coaching client, the first step is usually not setting goals or fixing habits. It’s challenging their understanding of themselves.

We begin by reconnecting with something most adults have lost — the language of emotion.

You see, many of us were conditioned to see emotions as a sign of weakness. Men, in particular, were told that tears are for the fragile and that expressing emotion is being “too sensitive.” Society depicted emotion as overreaction — anger, tears, drama — rather than the true internal compass it actually is.

But emotions are not a weakness. They are information.

Every feeling acts as a messenger — your body’s way of saying, “Something important is happening inside you.”

When we were told as children not to cry, we weren't being taught strength; we were being trained to suppress our feelings. We learned to disconnect our emotional brain (the limbic system) from our thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex). The result? Adults who struggle to regulate emotions, who bottle up anger, shame, or fear — and then wonder why life feels heavy or relationships are strained.

My first goal as a coach is straightforward: to help people reconnect with their emotional brain and then learn to lead it, rather than be led by it.

Like savoring a good steak, you don’t just swallow emotion — you chew on it, taste it, and process it. When you can name your emotions precisely — am I angry, or am I actually disappointed? — You regain control. You become both an observer and a participant in your inner world.

And when you learn to manage your own emotions this way, you begin to develop something beautiful: emotional space.

 

2.       Expanding Emotional Space: The Birthplace of Empathy

When you truly listen to someone — observing them without judgment, embracing silence, and being completely present — something unseen but powerful occurs: your ability to hold emotional space grows.

Emotional space is that inner room where someone can exist — freely, safely, authentically. It’s:

• The stillness that lets others express without being fixed.
• The patience that listens beyond words.
• The humility that doesn’t need to be right, only present.

But most people have limited emotional bandwidth. When others show strong emotions — such as grief, anger, or fear — they often feel uncomfortable, defensive, or want to escape. Why?

Because we can only hold in others what we’ve learned to hold in ourselves.

One of my clients once told me, “After processing my emotions, I could finally attend events and see people as human. I wasn’t trapped in guilt and shame anymore.” That was the moment she experienced social awareness — empathy born from self-awareness.

You can't genuinely hold space for others until you've learned to hold space for yourself.

Processing emotions also reveals deep-seated beliefs and unhealed childhood stories. The resentment, anger, and unforgiveness we carry — those are the emotional baggage we drag through life. And every time we forgive — whether through journaling or prayer — it’s like dropping another heavy bag from our back.

Eventually, we begin to breathe lighter, stand taller, and see the world not through fear but through understanding.

And here’s the miracle: as you become more patient with yourself, your patience with others also grows. You’re less triggered, less reactive, and more grounded. You begin responding instead of reacting.

That’s when you realize — emotional capacity grows like a muscle: through resistance and recovery.

·         Each time you sit with your sadness instead of numbing it, you strengthen your ability to sit with another’s grief.

·         Each time you face your fear, you learn not to minimize someone else’s.

·         Each time you make peace with your shame, you stop projecting it as criticism.

Your heart enlarges through self-understanding.
Your empathy deepens through self-compassion.
And your presence becomes a healing presence.

 

3.       Love: The Spiritual Expression of Emotional Maturity

This is where emotional growth meets the divine.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul doesn’t describe love as a feeling, but as a way of being:

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Every trait here — patience, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness — is also an emotional skill.

Love, in the biblical sense, is the mature expression of emotional intelligence guided by the Spirit. It is the willingness to create emotional and spiritual space where another person can grow, fail, heal, and be seen without fear of rejection.

When you strengthen your inner emotional structure — through awareness, forgiveness, and regulation — you align your heart with divine love itself.

God, after all, holds infinite emotional space. He listens patiently. He loves unconditionally. He grants freedom, even when it hurts Him.

When we mirror that in our relationships — being patient with others’ pain and kind toward their imperfections — we start to love as He loves.

That’s the hidden truth I stumbled upon: emotional growth is, in fact, spiritual growth.

Every time you forgive, you become freer. Every time you pause instead of reacting, you gain more wisdom. Every time you show understanding instead of judgment, you reflect divine love.

Love, then, is not sentimental — it’s spaciousness in action. It begins with self-trust and integrity, then flows outward like ripples in still water.

Conclusion: Love Grows Where Awareness Lives

Emotional capacity grows like a muscle — through resistance and recovery. Every time you sit with a difficult emotion without numbing it, you strengthen your ability to hold space for others.

And the more emotionally aware you become, the more socially aware you grow — because empathy comes from self-understanding.

When you learn to regulate your emotions, forgive, set healthy boundaries, and stay present — you’re not just improving your mental health. You’re expanding your ability to love, lead, and live with purpose.

So yes — when you create a larger emotional space for others, you are growing in love. You’re learning patience where you once reacted. You’re offering understanding where you once defended. You’re embodying grace — the kind that transforms both you and the people around you.

Love, in its most valid form, is not found in grand gestures but in daily moments of emotional presence — in the way we listen, forgive, and stay open.

As Brené Brown says, it’s “the courage to walk alongside rather than above someone’s story.”

So today, I invite you:

·         Sit with your emotions instead of escaping them.

·         Listen longer. Speak slower. Forgive deeper.

·         Grow your emotional space — and in doing so, grow in love.

That, my friend, is how self-awareness becomes a spiritual act — a daily practice of love in motion.

Call to Action

If you’re ready to build that kind of emotional depth, where awareness meets action, and love becomes your daily habit, I invite you to join my Transformational Habit Coaching Program.

Over the next six months, we’ll walk this journey together, discovering the language of your emotions, rewiring limiting beliefs, and cultivating the emotional integrity that fosters deeper relationships and authentic leadership.

Schedule your discovery call today (+254724328059) and start expanding your emotional capacity for yourself, others, and the life God intended for you.